I don’t know if it happens because the sun goes down and it goes dark, or because the tiredness hits, or because I dread trying to fall asleep again. But it always is, always has been and always will be the evenings where I feel the lowest.
Does anyone else feel this?
It’s a strange gradual process that happens throughout the day…the music I listen to gets sadder and slower, the programmes on TV get deeper and more impactful, the pictures of friends at parties get uploaded, the tiredness hits, and the dread of having to lay in bed and inevitably think about how I feel returns. I can predict how I’ll feel in the evenings, the particular sadness I’ll experience; and in knowing, I cause it. It’s obvious that I can create my own sadness, to an extent – but its no use knowing that when you don’t know how to stop it happening.
The first verse of the poem ‘Lights Out’ by Edward Thomas has always stayed in my mind…
I have come to the borders of sleep,
The unfathomable deep
Forest where all must lose
Their way, however straight,
Or winding, soon or late;
They cannot choose.
It really does seem unfathomable at times. The day feels like the now, the present, enjoying the moment, living in the light. The night feels like a path to the next day, to the unknown, to the future. The evening is a waiting period, a quiet conclusion to the day and a time to think about the next.
Maybe I should get out more in the evenings…