I am not particularly interested in politics. There. I said it.
Its not that i don’t care, it’s really not that. I always thought it meant i didn’t care, because everywhere I turn there seems to be a voice telling me that this opinion this choice is the most important thing for this country, don’t allow yourself to go uneducated, take on this view and this view and this view because this is whats right and you cant ignore this SHITLOAD of VERY IMPORTANT STATS.
That sounds like a bit of a dig. I may be being a little overdramatic there. I’ve never been confronted and had political views shoved down my throat. But sometimes it certainly feels like I’m cornered, surrounded by people very passionate about something that I just cannot muster up any enthusiasm for. I really admire those who are so enthusiastic and well informed… but it sometimes makes me feel more isolated than anything.
But it’s taken me all these years to realise that its okay not to feel passionate about policies or politicians. It’s okay not to feel revolutionary in your beliefs, actions or creative endeavours. It doesn’t make me a bad or stupid or ignorant person.
Standing up for myself in an argument has always been difficult. In fact, I rarely express strong and passionate views about anything. I can have them in my mind, but the relentless fear of being shut down, patronised to or argued with is too much for me. (You can see why I’ve avoided politics all my life). Having a strong view isn’t just about the facts or being right – it can be about belief, about a strength of feeling or a hope. But how can you convincingly argue something like that?
Partially as a result of this difficulty in standing up for myself, I often take on thee views of other people in the room. I often agree. its part of being an anxious person. I cant deal with confrontation or being challenged or being in a debate because I crumble. fight or flight – and I fly.
and I thought that was a weakness. But its not, not always. Its just another way of dealing with things. It can make you seem weak, but for me its smart. I run. I run back into myself, I run away from the fight. Because fights arent where I belong.
I don’t run away from everything, because I cant. Some things you cant. Like pushing yourself to socialise, to go to university every day, to face challenges that you have to overcome. So it is true, that sometimes you have to fight. But I do that for my personal benefit, to fight for myself, for my future, to fight for my ability to keep running, to keep running forward.
Why are people always told to stop running, but not to stop fighting? ‘You cant run from your problems, you cant run away you have to fight you have to fight for everyone, everything…’
but that cant be true.
Where I belong is the place where I flourish – not where I spend my life fighting for things that this world won’t always provide.
For now, I choose to battle the things that are blocking my little winding path to a happy future. The small battles I make are for the people I care about, and for myself.
and I don’t think that’s a bad thing.